Week 4 - The One

HOT MESS: WEEK 4

DISCUSSION GUIDE

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This week Scott wrapped up our Hot Mess series by talking about dating and romantic relationships. Although this does not directly address the stage of life that all of us are in, the relational principals are universal, and can apply to marriage, family, friendships, and other close relationships in our lives.

Scott talked about the fact that most people who date, fall into one of two categories. They are either looking for someone who will fulfill them right now, or they are looking for the "right one." "Right Now" daters are consumer daters. They are looking for another person to give them what they desire. They are constantly trying to extract something from the person that they are dating. "Right One" daters are also consumers. They are looking for the person who will complete them. They are looking for "Mr. or Mrs. Right." They buy into the myth that once they find the right person, life will be perfect.

Healthy relationships are not using people for our short term needs. They are not about finding the right person. They are about being the right person. They are about striving to love like Jesus, and growing and maturing for the benefit of others. 

Look up and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-11

DISCUSS

Just for fun, tell us about your most disastrous dating relationship or "crush" story. 

Although our main topic has to do with romantic relationships, most of the following questions fit the context of any relationship in our lives. Keep that in mind, and don't hesitate to discuss these questions in different relational scenarios.

Have you ever been in a relationship with somebody who was looking to you for something that you could not provide?

Have you ever looked to another person for the kind of fulfillment and completeness that can only be found in Jesus?

Have you spent most of your life believing that successful romantic relationships are about "finding the right person," or about two people just making it work?

There is a myth that when a person finds "the right one," then everything will be perfect. Where does this myth come from? What effect does it have on the way we approach relationships?

In his message Scott asked, "Are you the person that you are looking for?" He pointed out that successful relationships happen when we try to BE the right one; not when we try to FIND the right one. What efforts have you made in your life, to be the kind of person who can have healthy relationships?

PRAY FOR YOUR GROUP

Pray that in all of our relationships, we will strive to "be the right one" for the people in our lives.

PRAY FOR FCC

Pray that we will apply this same idea as a church. Pray that we will be the kind of church that Jesus needs us to be for the sake of those we are trying to reach.

PRAY FOR OUR GLOBAL PARTNERS

Pray for FCC global partners, IberoAmerican Ministries, in the Middle East as they come alongside a refugee community of 125 people. IAM has been able to empower some of these men and women to start micro-businesses; pray that these businesses flourish, for peace and stability in these families' new homes, for hope as they rebuild their lives, and for ultimately each family to know and receive the love Jesus offers.

Week 3 - Gratitude

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This was week three of Hot Mess and we listened to a message series about our closest relationships. Our guest speaker was Todd Clark, and he talked about the idea of gratitude and how crucial the expression of gratitude is to our loved ones.

Todd shared the story of Jesus healing the ten men with leprosy.

Luke 17:11-19

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy[a] met him. They stood at a distance 13 and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?”  Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

Often we use this passage to talk about being grateful. We think of the nine men who didn’t return as ungrateful. But Todd pointed out that they were most likely very grateful for what Jesus had done. Their lives were drastically changed for the better. The man who returned to thank Jesus didn't necessarily feel more gratitude than the others. What set him apart is that he took the time to express his gratitude. 

As a society, we can be much like the nine others. We may feel gratitude toward others and just assume that they know how we feel. If we fail to express our gratitude, then how will people know that it actually exists?

DISCUSS

Tell us about a time when you felt underappreciated.

Why do you think we are so bad at expressing appreciation toward others?

 Tell us about a person in your life who you feel gratitude for, who may not even know it.

 What keeps you from telling others when you are thankful for them or for something they have done?

Brainstorm some ideas about how you can creatively express gratitude toward people in your life.

 Share the names of two people who are not in this group, that you will express gratitude toward this week.

 Go around the room, and have everyone share one thing they are grateful for about the person on their right and the person on their left. 

 PRAY FOR YOUR GROUP

Pray that we will make an effort to express gratitude to the people in our lives. Pray that this will not just be a short-term focus, but a direction in which we grow and mature.

 PRAY FOR FCC

Pray that as a church we will be a place where people recognize our gratitude, and that this will be a source of encouragement for others.

 PRAY FOR OUR GLOBAL PARTNERS

Pray for FCC global partners, Lifeline Christian Mission, in Haiti. Pray for the people of Haiti and their government as they work to find a peaceful resolution to the unemployment crises and high gas prices. Pray for Lifeline and the church at large in Haiti to be an encouraging voice of hope and love, pointing people to Jesus.

Week 2 - Let's Talk About Sex

GROUP LEADER'S NOTE

This week's message was about sex. This can be a difficult thing to discuss in a group setting. We have groups that are comprised of married couples, singles, all men, all women, younger people, older people, etc. Because of your specific group dynamic, you may need to tailor the conversation a bit. If the following questions don’t dig deep enough for your group, then don’t hesitate to add questions that will take you deeper. If your group is new, it may not be ready for this discussion, and you may want to just hang out this time. Use your own discretion.

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Scott pointed out that in the culture that the Bible was written in, the Roman world had a view of sex that was much like ours today. What are some things that our culture gets wrong about sex? What are the effects of these errant ways of thinking?

 Sex is more than a physical thing. It is also spiritual. This is why divorce, and break-ups of sexual relationships are so difficult. Jesus draws a connection between outward physical acts, and our inner being…

 Matthew 5:27-28

You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Why does our society compartmentalize inward thoughts away from outward actions?

Why does Jesus insist that the two are insuperable?

 The bottom line is that no matter what we have done or thought about doing, God's grace is bigger than our sin. Read John 8:1-11.

How does Jesus address the woman's accusers?

How does Jesus address the woman?

What does this teach us about how we should deal with sexual sin in other people's lives?

What does this teach us about handling sexual sin in our own lives?

 PRAY FOR YOUR GROUP

Pray that we will be people who embrace God's model for all of relationships in our lives. Pray specifically for those who deal with sexual guilt, addictions, dysfunctions, and paste experiences that hinder the health of our intimate relationships.

PRAY FOR FCC

Pray that FCC will be a place where people can experience the grace of Jesus in spite of their failings. Pray that we will show grace and love and hope to people who need a new beginning.

 PRAY FOR OUR GLOBAL PARTNERS

Pray for FCC Global Partners Nilda Cruz and Deaf Ministries International, in the Philippines as they meet the needs of marginalized people groups, communicate God's love, and empower the people they serve to be leaders and influential voices, sharing the hope of Jesus, in their own communities.

Week 1 - The Foundation of Healthy Relationships

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This week we began a new series called Hot Mess. This series is all about what God wants for us in our relationships. 

Ephesians 5:1 tells us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. In the following verses Paul goes on to unpack what mutual submission looks like. He describes how wives are to submit to husbands, how husbands are to submit to wives, how children submit to parents, how parents submit to children, and how slaves and masters (employees and employers) are to submit to one another. This kind of submission is not about one person assuming power over the other. It is not about who is dominant and who is dominated. It is about the voluntary act of putting another person’s needs ahead of your own. We are to do this out of reverence for Christ. The person we choose to submit to most likely does not deserve this treatment. We do this because this is what Jesus did for us. He set aside His own life, suffered and died for us while we were still sinners.

 DISCUSS

What is the healthiest relationship you currently have? Why do consider it to be healthy?

 Have you ever had a relationship that was strained by selfishness? What did you learn from that experience?

 While we need to selflessly lean into hurting or broken relationships, we also need to end or limit relationships with toxic people. How do you tell the difference between a relationship that is suffering, and a relationship with a toxic person?

 Tell us about a time when someone set aside their own interests and submitted to yours.

 What is it about the idea of submitting to others that is most difficult for you?

 Is there a relationship in your life that you have been pulling away from, and you need to start leaning into?

 PRAY FOR YOUR GROUP

Pray for our relationships, especially those that are suffering. Pray that we will take to heart what it means to submit to one another, to set aside selfishness, and to put the need of others ahead of our own.

PRAY FOR FCC

Pray that as a church we will be an example to our community of what good relationships look like. Pray for the health of our relationships.

PRAY FOR OUR GLOBAL PARTNERS

Pray for FCC global partners, MidIndia Christian Mission, as they come alongside 15 new followers of Jesus who were baptized earlier this week. They are from the Bhil people group, a mostly unreached people group in India, where no one knows about Jesus. Pray for encouragement and a strong community of like-minded followers to help empower and support them in reaching more of their own people with the good news of Jesus.